Rules of Dating: Things to tell Him Before you go to the movies together

Just so you know I did end up going on a date with the guy that I was absolutely crazy for and instead of writing about the experience I’m just going to tell you the list I came up with for our movie date just so he would have a fair warning (not that I actually gave him this list):
-I’m going to talk the whole time.
-If I’m not talking and you try to say something I will tell you to shut up.
-I’m attracted to the men in this film.
-I’m not getting up to get popcorn refills.
-I’m going to finish all of the popcorn during the credits and want more.
-I’ll probably only eat the top layer of the second tub of popcorn.
-I slurp. Like really loudly.
-When I offer you some of my candy that really just means I want some of yours.
-I have a weird laugh.
-No seriously. A weird laugh.
-The armrest is for me.
-If you let me put my head on your shoulder I might fall asleep.
-If I fall asleep on you, I probably love you.
-But I’m not going to make out with you in the theatre.

Of course I had the best time and I really got to know him which is kind of the important part. We actually have a lot in common. And no he’s not in love with me, and yes we’re still friends.

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Five Minutes Please

I’m not ready to be not pretty.

No,
give me just five more minutes in front of the mirror!
When I stay here it looks good.
I will never have your face,
your face will never look me in the eye from the mirror.
Only my face can do that,
and my face says that she likes seeing me.

My face is not ready for me to be not pretty.

Wait, five more minutes.
This is my mirror,
the one that always has my face in it,
and it’s not ready for me to be not pretty.
Can’t you see?

I’m not meant to be not pretty.

Wait, five more minutes,
I feel pretty,
I’m not ready to stop.
I only love me because I’m pretty
and you only love me because I’m pretty
so please don’t make me not pretty.

I’m not ready for you to think I’m not pretty.

Five more minutes,
five more minutes please.
I’m not ready
I’m not ready
Please five minutes
Five minutes please.

I’m not ready to be not pretty.